One of the requirements for being accepted into the Army’s pilot training program is a handwritten, one page essay on why I want to be an Army aviator. Of course, the requirement for the final version to be handwritten doesn’t prevent me from drafting on the computer, so that is what I have done. My current version follows; suggestions are welcome.
Why do I want to be an Army aviator? There are a number of answers, each of which carries a portion of the truth.
I could call it patriotism. I may not support the current administration or many of its policies, but patriotism isn’t about unthinking belief in dogma; it’s about the desire to improve the nation and the sincere belief that it is worth improving. I have friends in the service: I can make their lives, and the lives of people like them, easier by joining and contributing. That seems a much better way of supporting the troops than any number of yellow ribbons.
I could call it the job itself. I’ve dreamed of flight since I was quite small, and joining the Army seems an excellent way to get the necessary training without putting myself in all sorts of debt. In addition to that, there are a number of benefits to being in the Army: tuition assistance, lots of travel, and the chance to learn all sorts of skills which I might never be trained in as a civilian all spring to mind.
I could call it the challenge. Skilled professionals are still a minority in this country, and skilled professionals with really interesting jobs are even more so. Why is this, given that most people want the various benefits that skilled professions can give them? Most people can’t hack it. I believe that I can–but the only way to find out for sure is to try.
All of the above answers present portions of the truth. They all revolve around one central conviction I have: that if I am accepted and trained as a pilot, I will excel. I want to live an interesting life, which means I must constantly challenge myself, and I must consistently meet my own expectations. I’ve graduated with honors from a top university. I’ve lived a year in Japan, learning the language as I went. Learning to fly will complete yet another childhood dream–I can’t wait to start.
Why do I want to be an Army aviator? There are a number of answers, each of which carries a portion of the truth.
“I have a number of reasons, each of which ….” active voice. Avoid the passive voice.
could call it patriotism. I may not support the current administration or many of its policies, but patriotism isn’t about unthinking belief in dogma; it’s about the desire to improve the nation and the sincere belief that it is worth improving.
Too many “it”s and “it’s”s….clarify…..”I could call it patriotism. I may not support the current administration or many of its policies, but patriotism isn’t about unthiking belief in dogma; patriotism is about the desire to improve the nation and the sincere belief that the nation is worth improving.” Makes your statement stronger sounding.
I could call it the challenge. Skilled professionals are still a minority in this country, and skilled professionals with really interesting jobs are even more so. Why is this, given that most people want the various benefits that skilled professions can give them? Most people can’t hack it. I believe that I can–but the only way to find out for sure is to try.
“I could call my reason the challenge [add something....the army has to present me].” And then, skilled professionals are more so what? In the minority? “Skilled professionals are still a minority in this counry, and skilled professionals who have worthwhile, challenging, and fulfilling careers (that’s what you want, a career, right? Not a job?) are a minority within that minority.”
All of the above answers present portions of the truth. They all revolve around one central conviction I have: that if I am accepted and trained as a pilot, I will excel. I want to live an interesting life, which means I must constantly challenge myself, and I must consistently meet my own expectations. I’ve graduated with honors from a top university. I’ve lived a year in Japan, learning the language as I went. Learning to fly will complete yet another childhood dream–I can’t wait to start.
“All of the above answers are part of a much larger truth, which revolve around one central conviction: if I am accepted and trained as a pilot, I will excel. (Good show of self-confidence. Add some more.) I will succeed. I will contribute.” “Portions” of a truth implies that you’re not telling the entire truth rather than that you don’t have space/time to tell the entire truth — very different concepts. “I want to live an interesting life, and to do so, I must continually open myself to new and exciting challenges. I must consistently meet my expectations, as well as the expectations of others. I have already done this by graduating (WHAT TYPE OF HONORS? Cum Laude, Suma Cum Laude?) from (NAME THE UNIVERSITY DIRECTLY, IT’S IMPORTANT). I have spent a year living and working in Japan, teaching English and taking the opportunity to learn Japanese. Learning to fly, learning to operate a plane, and learning how much more I can better myself will provide me with a great opportunity of achieving more of the goals I have set for myself. In addition, learning to fly will allow me to achieve a childhood dream. I can’t wait to start.”
The only other suggestion I have is try to focus a little more on why you would be good for them. You explain a lot about how they would be good for you….but, what would they get from you?